Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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