don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
