Soap is not a condiment
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
