1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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