things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
