We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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