So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
