im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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