last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
