onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
