I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love having hate sex.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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