Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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