I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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