The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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