That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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