Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
