i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
