I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
