she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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