What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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