Welp...herpes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
