I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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