I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
