She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You are the jesus of drinking
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
