Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
