I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
did i walk over a car last night?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I pour the whiskey from now on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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