Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
