I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
