i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
