she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
