I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
