I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
