I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Randomize
