the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
