winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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