was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.