Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions