dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.