he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.