I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
