the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
