how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
