so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
