I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
