He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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