dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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