i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
