ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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