I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
