i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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