Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

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(901): View more from Tennessee

The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.

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