omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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