I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
they're like a gay fantastic four
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
