new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
