i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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