so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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