Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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