New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
