he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
