my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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