Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
