just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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