Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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