Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
