I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
