there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
