How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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