Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
