I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
