Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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