an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
