Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
