It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
