It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
