the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
