I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
