he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
