I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
